Wednesday, February 13, 2008
So divided...
Today is 18 years since Mariah passed away. Wow. Where did the time go? I got a phone call from Mom this morning and, until that point, I had forgotten what today was. I had thought about it briefly last week, realizing that this day was coming up, but I lose track of my dates easily (that's what happens when I stay at home all the time and have few commitments) and so I had not realized that the anniversary was here already. A part of me was having a hard time with the realization that I had forgotten. How could I have forgotten?! And the other part of me said that it's okay to have reached a point in my life where I don't think about her all of the time. It seems like a lifetime ago already. When I told Steve that I had forgotten (and that I couldn't believe I had done that) he said that was okay. Although I object on one level, I also realize that life continues and I can't let my entire life cycle around someone who has been taken to a much better place, regardless of how much I wish things had been different.
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4 comments:
I know what you mean. When Evie and I were invited to this playdate today, I was torn between doing something, I don't know...dedicatory for Mariah, and going ahead and enjoying the day (like I'm sure she wants us to). We did end up going, but I've thought about her off and on all day.
I know you might not believe that an "outsider" to your family would remember, but I remember this day every year and it is so special to me. I loved Mariah so much! I remember the day she died and hearing...and I remember walking home from school sobbing and talking to her--hoping she would hear me.
What a special girl to have impacted so many people in such a short time!
Oh my Dear Calista, it is more than OK to be caught up in life. Hug your kids, be happy, I just wanted to touch bases with my kids today and let them know I am thinking of them and loving them especially on this day. Rachel...you are NOT an "outsider". You and Mariah were very special cousins. I remember worrying when I sent you some of her clothes that you would be sad wearing them. I was always so pleased when I would get a picture of you wearing them, it brought a smile to my face. Thank you.
We all loved, and still love, her. Every time we achieve one of our goals, I swear I can hear her cheering. I love you too, and I think of someday being able to have all of us girls sitting together and talking about everything that you and I do now.
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